Frustration

Back when my daughter used to go to Jiu-Jitsu with me, before she went away to college, she was only attending the women's classes, while I was also going to the regular classes. This led to my knowledge and skill surpassing her's fairly quickly. Even though I tried to not go too hard on her, and she is younger, bigger, and stronger than I am, sometimes she would get very frustrated over the fact that she felt as though she couldn't do anything against me. Once in awhile she would even start to tear up, which was a big deal because she's not a crier (like her mom is). It was nice when we had new students in class, because then Skyler could see that she was actually learning something.

Now that my husband is going to class with me instead, the tables have turned, and I am the one feeling frustrated and hopeless. I believe Joe is kind of a natural at Jiu-Jitsu, and along with my obviously expert training of him, some days it just feels like I can't do a single thing. He is also very aggressive towards me, which I am not used to with most of my training partners, so it can be overwhelming.

I started crying today during Ethridge class, and I expressed anger towards Joe for "man-handling" me, but the real problem is that grappling with him can make me feel like I don't know anything about Jiu-Jitsu. It seems as though he is usually one step ahead of me, and I can never keep up. I still have to think about what I'm doing too much of the time, while he can just feel it. He also does a lot of "unconventional" things that I don't have an answer for.

Sometimes I joke about competing against my husband, but to me it's really not about winning or losing. To be honest, if we both used all of the tools we have available to us, he would probably "win" every time. Conan told me today that I was being selfish for getting upset when Joe does well against me, and that I should be happy for him instead. I am happy for him, but the physical feeling of constantly being dominated in such a decisive way can be a little hard to take, no matter who it is. The good thing about it is that Joe tried to submit me about seventeen times today, but he only succeeded once, so I'm building a solid defense.

I feel bad that I got frustrated and walked off the mat, and I hate the fact that I cried (especially since people saw it). I'm sorry that I directed my frustration towards Joe, because it really doesn't have anything to do with him. Amy gave me props for coming back to the mat today, but I had no choice. I may think I suck, but I know I won't get any better if I quit.